Things not to say

My sisters and I played "Things not to say" last night, and here are some of my favorites:

Things not to say in line at a grocery store:
Ooooo baby I got gas!
OMG, look at all the cookies in her cart. -n
This robbery will be like taking candy from a baby. -j
Something smells like a stale french fry. -e
Das stinkt! [Mel used to say that thinking no one would understand]



What not to say right before you walk down the aisle:
Dang! That best man is lookin HOTT! -e
I forgot to brush my teeth.
Laxatives are to calm upset stomachs, right Dad? -j
I shouldn't have eaten those beans...
Where's Derek?



What not to say on a first date:
Are you a virgin -n
I am praying to get married this year -n
Oopsie I made a poopsie.
Let's arm wrestle
How much money do you make?


What not to text when feeling desperate:

I'm feeling desperate -e

Want to marry me? -m

I haven't heard from you in an hour. Is everything okay? -n

I'm a good dancer! -m

It's okay that you've rejected my calls for the past month but I just went to Victoria Secret -j

Call me when you get to boys night -e

When you say "later" does that mean today, in a few days, or at some unknown time in the hazy distant future which basically means never. - n

I'm free from 6am to 11pm so let me know if I can give you a ride to your friends house or whatever! -j