Things not to say

My sisters and I played "Things not to say" last night, and here are some of my favorites:

Things not to say in line at a grocery store:
Ooooo baby I got gas!
OMG, look at all the cookies in her cart. -n
This robbery will be like taking candy from a baby. -j
Something smells like a stale french fry. -e
Das stinkt! [Mel used to say that thinking no one would understand]



What not to say right before you walk down the aisle:
Dang! That best man is lookin HOTT! -e
I forgot to brush my teeth.
Laxatives are to calm upset stomachs, right Dad? -j
I shouldn't have eaten those beans...
Where's Derek?



What not to say on a first date:
Are you a virgin -n
I am praying to get married this year -n
Oopsie I made a poopsie.
Let's arm wrestle
How much money do you make?


What not to text when feeling desperate:

I'm feeling desperate -e

Want to marry me? -m

I haven't heard from you in an hour. Is everything okay? -n

I'm a good dancer! -m

It's okay that you've rejected my calls for the past month but I just went to Victoria Secret -j

Call me when you get to boys night -e

When you say "later" does that mean today, in a few days, or at some unknown time in the hazy distant future which basically means never. - n

I'm free from 6am to 11pm so let me know if I can give you a ride to your friends house or whatever! -j

My New Resolution

Last week I went West Coast Swing dancing and met a guy who told me Jordan Frisbee (gazillion-time US Open WCS champion, THE most famous WCS dancer in the word) was going to be in town next week and he had scheduled a private lesson with him. He said Jordan told him to bring a partner and asked if I wanted to be it. Of course I said yes!

Yesterday was the lesson. And I was inspired way beyond dancing. Not only was it wonderful to receive correction from a great instructor, but we were treated so respectfully, given undivided attention. Jordan seemed so cool. He was, for that hour, focused on his student. He was there for his student’s benefit. That’s why he was cool. I want to be like that for my girls at work. Undistracted.

Since the God of the universe gives me personal attention and correction, I am determining in my heart to speak positively and gratefully from now on.