Not Sad All Day

We have a little seven-year-old at work
Whose mom's boyfriend abused her - that jerk!
We have a newborn drug baby who is in pain
Documented as "Baby Boy," he has no name.

Though the stories of this little girl and boy
Are common with our kids, they still have joy.
Our children still smile; they don't cry all day.
They still like presents and outdoor play.

When the 4 of us get in the car together, we almost invariably assume the same seating arrangement: Melissa in the driver's seat, Elona in the passenger's seat, and Jessica and I in the back.


Front seaters

Back seaters

Journal Excerpts from 2009

Sunday, January 04, 2009
As I write this, my housemates and one of their boyfriends are sitting on the couches around me, also on their laptops. It's like we're all doing our own thing, yet in communion with each other at the same time.


Thursday, January 15, 2009
Ever since I told Jack that I read How to Be a People Magnet, I've been the butt of his endless jokes.







Saturday, January 17, 2009
Janelle was over at our house and saw Real Sex: The Truth about Chastity on my housemate's bookshelf. She said it proposes that sex is communal and what we do is everyone's business.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009
During a long prayer in Bible study today, Dad got bored and pulled a piece of paper out of my jacket pocket, slowly unfolding the crinkled paper. Those were my personal notes - not Bible study stuff - so I was wondering what he would find there. But looking over his shoulder, I realized no one would ever understand those scribbles! "I didn't know you write shorthand," he whispered.

Friday, January 23, 2009
Once you discipline a child, he becomes more attached to you. It's a phenomenal experience.

Random family picture

Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tonight we went to the comedy improv. It was clean comedy, so if someone went beyond the boundaries of good taste, a brown paper sack would be placed over the offending person's head. One of the guys from our church got bagged for saying "horse poop cleaner."

Monday, January 26, 2009
Friends are amazing. If you don't look good, they say it doesn't matter, it's the "vibe" you give off. If your clothes are totally boring, they say "Oh, but it's the way you wear it." If you think you have no style, they say, "YOU. HAVE. STYLE."

Friday, January 30, 2009
I love fennel!

During our three-hour walk, we ate plants off the side of the road - dandelion, chickweed, rosemary, sow thistle, and nasturtium.





Monday, February 02, 2009
Mom and Dad came over for dinner last night, and I made eggplant Parmesan. They liked it better than the stuffed acorn squash I made last time. Tyler was there that time I made the acorn squash, and I don't think he liked it at all! He was like, "I would have been happy with spaghetti."


Saturday, October 31, 2009

BIBLE STUDY NOTES

In ancient Judaism, only the man signed the marriage contract, and it was up to the man to keep it. It was like saying to his bride, "I'll fight for you. I'll die for you. I'll show you you're valuable enough to fight for."


Sunday, November 1, 2009
I've always enjoyed working with Austin, but today we feel like close friends. I guess that's what happens when you (a) kill time together before sunrise and (b) face a crisis together.

All this happened on account of the calendar. For one thing, daylight saving time ends today . . . so we arrived at 5am. (I don't listen to the news or radio, but what's Austin's excuse?)

Secondly, it's the day after Halloween. And apparently our coworkers were doing some serious partying last night, because they all called out sick. So it was up to the two of us to manage all the kids, all the behavior problems, and all the fights.

Mission accomplished. And we feel so good right now.



Random family picture










Monday, November 30, 2009
I was sweeping the floor today while the kids were eating snack, when a 3-year-old sweetly said, "Natalie. Sit with us."

Dancing with Dad

Late Bloomer

In college and before that, I never dated
By love I was not burnt, by romance not jaded.
At age 23 I went on my first date.
I'm a late bloomer, yes I am late.
I still have never had a boyfriend;
Only coffee here, dinner there, and that's the end.

My Ancestors

My forefathers in Friesland (Netherlands/Germany) were part of a radical Protestant denomination in the sixteenth century, called the Mennonites. Because their theological views had political ramifications (e.g. their belief in voluntary church membership, their rejection of infant baptism, their commitment to pacifism), they were persecuted and fled to Russia, where they were promised religious freedom.

As they lived together in Russia, they intermarried among themselves and kept their own language. Some went to America, where they settled in colonies like the Amish. My forefathers remained in Russia.

My Grandpa in Siberia

Under Stalin's rule, three of my great-grandfathers were imprisoned for their views and were never seen again. Their wives and children (my grandparents) were deported to Siberia, where they remained in exile until 1957

My Parents

Mom and Dad (far right) with Mom's parents and a few of her siblings, 1980.






Dad grew up in Siberia, Mom in Kazakhstan. They spoke Russian in their USSR schools and workplaces, but at home they spoke their native language - Plautdietsch. Both of their families eventually moved to Estonia, where my parents met each other at an underground church.

That year thousands of Volksdeutsche (ethnic Germans) in the USSR were given permission to return to their homeland.

Five years later in West Germany...

My dad was visiting a new church when he saw my mom again. They were married on February 14, unaware that it was a holiday in the West.

Now they are in the US, doing Christian radio to Russia. (The head station is in California, of all places.)

When my parents are totally casual and unaware of themselves, they speak Plautdietsch with each other. The sound of it spoken gives me a deep feeling of familiarity, complete ease and warmth, because that is the feeling between my parents when they speak like that.


In the hospital this year

My Childhood as an MK

My family, 1991

During the Cold War, before the Iron Curtain fell in 1991, my dad did Christian broadcasting into Russia through short-wave radio from Saipan (Pacific island, south of Japan).

There we lived on a hill called Marpi, in a compound with other missionary families. We were close with the other families, and every week we had game nights for the whole compound.




Life on Saipan was a childhood paradise for me. I ran free there, with the other MKs, no need for adult supervision. There were no streets with traffic, no strangers. We called all the adults Auntie and Uncle. We had no rushed schedules, no TVs, and my friends and I played for hours in the boonies, which were our backyard. Our lagoon was warm as bathwater. Life was carefree.






Yes, we were "sacrificing for the Lord" on a tropical island.











In the summer, we would visit our relatives in Germany. Sometimes my dad would drop us off, while he and my mom traveled to Russia. Once we stayed for 6 months, and I went to school in Germany, together with my cousins.



My best friend, Rebecca Chinchen, 1991

Junior High

When I was in Junior High, my parents would share my problems with everyone as a prayer request. I complained to a friend about this, and she suggested I carry a picket sign to church reading:

I'M THE ONE. THANKS FOR YOUR PRAYERS.



Handbell Choir: Mel, me, Rebecca, Katie, Patricia

High School

In high school I lived with my paternal grandparents in Germany and did "home-schooling."
My life there basically consisted of hanging out with the church youth group and going over to my cousin's house every day. I came back to California well into my senior year, only for my dad to discover that I hadn't cracked a single text book since summer.

We decided homeschool wasn't for me, yet I didn't want to go back to public school either. Yes....I wanted to be a high school drop-out. This is when my dad said to me, in our language, "Schwien daut eenfach auf." And I took this advice all through college. It means, "Just do a sloppy job." I believe this is the first step to doing something difficult; it is to start pressure-free, with plenty of room for mistakes.

At our commencement ceremony, the speaker said, "Some of you have finished strong. And others of you . . . well . . . . you've finished."
How appropriate.

College

Poolside: Kat, Elona, Luke, Phil, Seth

I went to a Bible college in Canada for a semester, and then to a Mennonite school in Fresno, and then to Biola.



In Fresno I met Wilhelmine, a Mennonite girl from Paraguay. We moved in together that summer, and I could hardly believe that God was giving me a roommate that speaks my very own language.

Theater: my non-speaking role as an animal

Siberia

With Melissa at a Buryat restaurant





I had so much fun in Siberia, because their mentality is so entirely different! They are extremely pragmatic and care nothing for protocol. For example, when I couldn't get into the apartment building, some guy picked the lock for me.

Construction projects are left unfinished for years and everything is makeshift. We even saw an open ditch right in front of the school bus stop. My German friend was appalled and asked a local why they don't fill the ditch. "The kids could fall in!"

Siberian: "Why would they fall in? They're not blind."

The unorthodox Siberian mindset was so interesting and funny to us.


Dad, translating my testimony in Siberia

Israel

Then I decided to escape this western world completely, and go live on a kibbutz.

2003

When I asked the Bedouin where the bathroom was, he munificently gestured to the hills, as if to say, "Woman, this, all this, is your bathroom."


The thrills were there from the start. Like when the bus driver forgot to let me off at my destination. Realizing his error, he abruptly pulled over and said to me, "Just walk back a few kilometers. It's not that far."

I stepped off the bus and went to the baggage bin underneath to look for my suitcase. As soon as I pulled it out and shut the door, the bus took off.

At first I felt a little nervous. It was after dark and I was not far from the West Bank. There was no civilization in sight and the road was deserted - I had only seen a car drive by maybe every 15 minutes. But these were the very things that also made the place serene. As I walked in peaceful silence under the stars, I could feel the Lord's presence. It was a moment to savor.

And that was the first of many more such moments. I lived on the shore of the sea of Galilee and on my days off from work, I'd hike the little mountain where many think Jesus sent the demons into the pigs. It became spring while I was there, and I'd lay amongst the blooming flowers on top of the mountain, gazing up at an eagle, praying and dreaming.

2005

(After some months of living on a communal farm, I came to my senses and came back to finish school.)

2005

During my finals week of my last semester, my parents were in a car accident.




After their car accident, my parents were home all the time, and I often slept over.

Career

I didn't know what profession to choose, so I went to a career counselor. In writing my dream job, she told me to go into detail, like how I want to dress for work, whether I want to be outside or inside.

Good advice, because I got my dream job. My entire work is focused on people. I am with children in their most vulnerable moments. I work with wonderful staff. I find challenge and meaning from my work.




When Elona does my makeup I feel glamorous, because that's not my daily routine. I like wearing jeans and being outside with the kids.

"Prayer is co-laboring with God. That is how people work together: by talking together."

-JP Moreland, professor at Biola



The Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth -Mal 2:14

Rejoice in the wife of your youth -Prov 5:18

MY YOUTH

Reading "wife of your youth," I thought that surely
You designed marriage to begin early.
Since I'm 27, I began to pray then
That I would get married in two-thousand-ten.

I'm your coworker and my will plays a role
That's why I ask for the desires of my soul.
But I'm holding this loosely; I want your will for me.
I'm willing to let you do it differently.

I am open to you surprising me
In another time and way than I foresee.
Like Mary, who bore you, may my answer be yes
To whatever you offer, I stand in openness.

I'm going into this open to a curve ball:
Marriage may not be my true wish after all
So much as I wish to spend my youth well,
To live with purpose and invest in the eternal.

That being said, I still often pray
For a man of your choosing to come my way.
This is what I feel led to do
Though I might be wrong; this might not be from you.

If it is not from you, you will make it clear;
You'll say, "Marriage-in-youth is not for you, my dear."
It was an honest mistake and I'll let out a sigh,
But it's no big deal and you won't let me die.

"I was just calling to see if God answered your prayer yet."

-voicemail from Bob

No Bob, God hasn't answered my prayer to get married since last we talked - which was a week ago. =)

CIF Semi-Finals

Jessica in action

Male/Female Relationships

Dancing has always been a fascinating metaphor for me of male/female relationships. In American secular society, male headship doesn't seem to be embraced. But those same secular people embrace this natural order in partner dancing -- without realizing it, I think. Partner-led dancing is impossible without it. I often wonder if the natural law involved in partner dancing is entirely analogous to relationships.

In a relationship, I would hate to be passive - I want to add something; I want my ideas to matter and be mixed in; I want to play a vital and indispensable role. In dancing, the woman is anything but passive; she is moving and very active. In fact, she is the "keeper of momentum."

But it's the man who starts the momentum. And guess how much leading she does? ZERO. I've always been amazed at that. She initiates NOTHING. Except her own styling. She can do plenty of her own special moves, even go into the splits without him leading that -- but all within the framework that he provides. And she NEVER LEADS. None of her moves directly influence his moves.

This is where I wonder if the analogy still applies. In a perfect male/female relationship, does the woman really always only follow (and do her own thing within the framework)? Does she never initiate anything?

Dad in Moscow

Dad is traveling between Moscow and Kazakhstan. They are starting a local Christian radio station there!





















My Christmas Poem this year is called "Baby Jesus"....


Our children have been so neglected
They come in diseased and lice infested.
They are bruised and STD infected
They were used and rudely molested.

Our kids are untaught and uncorrected
So they throw and kick things and act defiant.
When gently and firmly redirected,
They scream and hit and remain non-compliant.

We offer them our care and guidance
But wonder if it is in vain maybe.
Our efforts may not even make a difference.
What they really need is a super baby.

Yes, a super baby, to reverse the curse.
Indeed, there really was such a one
Who redeemed abusive parents and worse.
The super baby was God's very son.

That perfect baby was both God and Man.
No longer a babe, he's full-grown today
And now sits in heaven at God's right hand.
Our kids will know Him as Lord, we pray.